Today is officially day off so a trip to Bergen last night seemed in order. As lovely as they are, Voss & Ulvik are still quiet little rural areas of Norway, and although I would be happy staying here forever its good to get out and hit the big city every now and then. Mission No1 was to get Richard back on track, Rich is our man in Bergen and despite being surrounded by gorgeous women, he is not a happy bunny at the moment. Simple really, Rich is a people person and needs people around him all the time, Bergen is in Norway - hence EXPENSIVE, put the two together and Boom, instant boredom. He has no mates (not by choice or because he is ugly or owt) but because going out in Bergen is just ridiculous. £11 a pint minimum. If you don't go out, you don't meet people - simples.
Neil, our man in Balestrand had decided to head to Bergen for a hair cut so it seemed only fair I head that way too... all 3 of us would go on a mandate and have hair cuts all round, typically in Top Gear fashion, I was late so they went on without me.
After the shearing it was off to McDonalds for an £9 big mac, and to get the free glasses on offer this week. Neil and I are looking for the most ridiculously priced thing in Norway, a little game of ours if you like. I think im winning with the standard drive in car wash, standard brush rollers and blow dryers, you know the kind of thing that costs between £3 and £7 in the UK or a couple of € in France... 400 NOK - i'll do the maths for you 400 / 8.16 = £49.02 that has got to be a winner and puts the £40 hair cut, £60 bottle of scotch, £12 pack of cigarettes into perspective...
Norway sure is an expensive place, but there are ways to enjoy it on the cheap... for example, people watching, after trawling for the cheapest bar to get the big lad a beer, just nurse it for the afternoon whilst sat in the sunshine watching the Bergen folk go by... Another game Neil & I were playing was timing the gap between hot women walking by... on average its 1.3 seconds and the longest period was 14 seconds. I'm not kidding, hot, gorgeous women are everywhere, I don't know where they find them, where they come from, but who cares, how can you be bored in this place Rich? I could sit there all day and just watch the world go by.
Soon it was time for the big man to head home and Rich & I to get ready for our 'Night Out' we have adopted the true Norwegian culture of the 'Pre Party' get hammered at home and then go out for 'one or two' ... although this process is kind of one sided with only Rich getting drunk, so we enlisted the help of his mate Steve from the UK, pop him up on Skype and the pair of daft buggers play 'Rock Paper Scissors' when the loser downs a shot or two of vodka.
I don't drink as a rule as some of you will know... but once in a while doesn't hurt does it? well kinda yeah. The last time I hit Bergen I had 2 shots of Vodka before hitting the pub... I say that loosely as I don't actually remember hitting the pub, but according to Rich I was asked to leave as the 2 shots of Vodka in my normally pure blood stream said boom and goodnight. As Rich was trying to explain to the doorman that I was ok really, I fell over in the bar. Not really helping his case and that was the end of a perfectly planned night out.
This week however, I let Rich do all the drinking and sipped slowly on some 3% beer that you would drown in before getting tipsy. soon it was 11.30 and time to go back to the infamous bar. Rich as always got carded, but when I asked the doorstaff if they wanted to see my ID they just laughed!
Within an hour or so the place was rocking with the same hot women that frequent the streets of Bergen during the day, only now dressed up to party... I cant explain the sights, you have to see it for yourself. Lets just say, you wont find that quality in London, let alone Wigston!
Rich has been telling me how he meets the 'Ladies' 'Busting some shapes' on the dance floor, so I was quite looking forward to seeing the master in action... only later does he tell me he wont dance alone! well that was that then, I dance like my dad at the best of times, and it seems that I cant even prop the bar up and look cool so there's no way im 'Busting some shapes' on the floor... Big fish, little fish, cardboard box, reverse the forklift is about all I know and even that looks crap!
With our two beers consumed and the clock hitting 1.30am we called it a night and zipped to the kebab shop for the munchies before heading home... yes folks, even the beautiful city of Bergen has its kebab shops and yes they are full of the faded flowers at the end of the night... within a couple of minutes two rather large Norwegian students had latched on to us and in their drunken state we told them we were film producers on location in Norway... what the hell, they wont remember in the morning. Sharp exit time and we are back in the comforts of Rich's pad, lights out. I think Rich is feeling a bit happier this morning, but still I don't think Norway is his cup of tea... Oh well Rich, stick it out for another couple of months. It will be snowing soon :)
No comments:
Post a Comment